you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
