Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
