Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
