In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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