I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
