Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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