just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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