Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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