my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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