1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
