maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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