Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
