That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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