Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
