thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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