I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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