nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
