I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
