Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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