Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
