Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
