We're like a lot better than the average bears
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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