We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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