i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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