My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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