good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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