Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
