I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
