What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
