So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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