Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
