stop calling my apartment porn island.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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