I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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