There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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