I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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