What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
