i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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