dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
