Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
