walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
