dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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