Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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