tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
