No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
