Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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