I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
