last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
