When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As shirtless as possible
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
