I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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