would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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