I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
